Details

Its been a couple of days, and there are so many emotions going on inside. I'm not sure I can even put them into words so I will just go with the details of Friday.

On Thursday the nurse from Fairhaven called after office hours, and scheduled me with my Dr. who wasn't even in the office on Friday for 1:45. I figured something was up, but tried not to assume the worst. On Friday we met with Dr. Simon my GYN. He came in shook my hand and said, "You aren't worried are you?" For about a minute I felt a little better. We moved to a conference room where he began... "Well" he said, "we have a couple of options. We have you scheduled with 2 doctors who deal with breast cancer." WHAT? WAIT? What did you say??? Was all that was running through my mind. He proceeded to tell us that they scheduled us with a Dr. in Ft. Wayne and one in Goshen so we had the option of where we wanted to go. We left the office to discuss the options, the last thing I remember was Nate asking if I was ok, and then just feeling hot tears and lack of breath, and going weak in the knees.

We drove around Goshen for a bit, to try and comprehend, and make a wise decision about what doctor to see. We decided to stay in Goshen because 1. that doctor could see me at 3:30 and 2. our family and support system is mostly there.

3:30pm - We met with Dr. Henry at The Retreat. He first went over my medical history, and then took us to an exam room where he did a brief exam. For the next hour he talked about 5 basic steps of what we are facing, and answered some of our questions. He informed us that because there are 2 spots, and several other suspicious looking areas his recommendation is a complete mastectomy of the right side. He scheduled an MRI for this coming Monday afternoon at 2pm, and said surgery could take place as early as this week if we choose. The MRI will let us know how big the cancer is and if there is anything suspicious on the left said that would maybe prompt us to do a complete bi-lateral mastectomy (meaning taking off both breast), also if it has spread anywhere else beyond the breast such as the lungs or chest. He informed us of all the risks and statistics, and talked to us about also meeting with a plastic surgeon who would also be involved in the initial removal surgery if we choose to do reconstruction. In which case surgery would not take place until sometime after Aug. 8th. He also talked to us about Chemo and radiation, neither of which has been determined that I need, but he said most likely chemo will be in my future, and we will meet with an Oncologist to discuss that after surgery. One other thing we learned we will have to make a decision on is genetic testing to see if I am a gene carrier and if my children and siblings are at a higher risk because of that. He told us that one of the down falls of doing that is insurance companies will drop us or put us on really high rates, and it will follow us and our kids forever. There are many advantages to it, however, but I don't really remember what he said. We were not given a stage of the cancer nor was it even mentioned. I don't know if that is because the doctor doesn't know yet or if it just was not mentioned.
There were so many other things talked about in that room on Friday I was in and out of reality and tears and even woke up Saturday thinking about what a bad dream I had. In the days, weeks and months to come the nightmare is only going to get worse I can imagine. I've always said, "I can't imagine how people who have cancer deal with it" the fact of it is I still can't even wrap my brain around how people deal with this. I cry uncontrollably for a while, and then go on being ok for a minute. No one can prepare you or be prepared for something like this. I can't help but think about the worst outcome. I'm not yet ready to be optimistic.

The Diagnosis

I haven't been able to put the events of yesterday into words without overwhelming emotion so this post will be short until I can take it all in and process the diagnosis of cancer.

The Call...

My OB/GYN's office called tonight . They have my results and my Dr. would like to see me before the weekend to go over them....

Human Pin Cusion

Have you ever seen a movie where the Dr. comes in and says, "now this won't hurt a bit" as he pulls out the longest needle in the world and the camera comes in for a close up? Well today's experience was nothing like that! The long needle came in from behind and hurt like well....H.E. double hockey sticks! After a few moments of digging around in the side of my breast this loud sound similar to the sound of an electric sliding van door x10 came from my side and searing pain ensued. If you are about to get a biopsy please know this isn't normal. The doctor stopped and gave me some more anestetic, but the pain was pretty intense at that point. He quickly finished, and then the nurse prepared new sterile instruments for the next biopsy. That one started out much the same, but before the pain got too bad the doctor hit me with more direct anestitic. Shortly after that he began taking out the samples that he needed at this point it wasn't as bad, but suddenly I became severly nausous and light headed. Thankfully the doctor could see I wasn't doing too well and finished up and got me feeling a little better. After laying there for another 15 minutes I was taken in to get another mammogram. During the biopsy they put small clips in my breast at the spots they biopsied so they could note them on a mammogram. Let me tell you...that was not very exciting as well as also painful. So here it is 8 pm around 5 hours later. I'm still in some pain when I move and already slightly bruised. I hope to have some results by Friday...until then!

Thursday July, 14th Appt.

Sorry to those who have checked in to find no update. Its been an extreamly busy 24 hours. I left our house Thursday at 11am dropped the kids off to Grandma, headed to my appt., had a couple hours to hang out with my best friend, then headed to the evening visitation for Nate's cousin Amy. We stayed in Goshen Thursday night, Nate was up most of the night throwing up or trying to tolerate his pains with moans and groans. I got up this morning went to Amy's funeral, family dinner, got Nate situated with some help with the kids, went on a photo shoot, and then picked my sister up from her week at church camp. Headed to Syracuse got the kids, took everyone home, and started cleaning. Ok take a breath... I finally am!

So back to Thursday. I went to the Retreat in Goshen, for those of you who don't know its a Women's Health Care facility affiliated with IU Health Center of Goshen (formaly Goshen General Hospital), I met my best friend there who came along for emotional support and later comic relief. After being checked in we were escorted back to a changing room where I got to put on a purple wonder girl cape, and then moved into the Mammogram room. They took 2 normal pictures of each breast, and then 3 magnified pictures of the one with the lumps. The technician reviewed them on the spot and then escorted me to the ultra sound room, where the US tech did an ultra sound of both lumps. The doctor in the office then came in a did his own ultra sound of each lump. I was pretty surprised to learn the results of both test immediately, although not very explanitory. Dr. W explained to me that both lumps are undeterminable meaning they can not determine if they are fibrocystic or cancerous by either mammogram or ultra sound...his recomendation is an ultrasonic biopsy on both lumps. I was able to schedule that this morning for next Wednesday afternoon.
To my understanding they will cut a 1/4" opening into me where each lump is, then they will stick in a small straw of sorts, take out a piece of each lump, then place a clip the size of a pin head on each spot they biopsy, after which they will do another mammogram. The clip is placed so that when they do the mammogram they can clearly see each spot that was biopsied. In approximately 3 days after the biopsy they will know the results and then we ill go from there.

Thankfully we have had plently of help up to this point with kids, and everything, but I would ask that you continue to pray for the people that are rearranging their daily lives to help us. Nate is much closer to being a canidate for surgery he has struggled a lot this week with his Crohn's. After testing on Wednesday the GI Doc. wanted to see him right away, after recommending his meds be doubled, and added to he informed Nate that his Crohn's is very progressive. We both know the importance of taking care of ourselves, but a lot of times its out-weighed by the other 4 lives we are in charge of taking care of...we couldn't be more thankful to our family and friends for picking up the slack right now while we get both of our health situations under control.

Spell check isn't working tonight so forgive me for my sleepy errors. More news next week.

One little thing...

Sometimes you're going along in your day and one little thing can ruin it. Today that was a phone message. I got a message from The Retreat reminding me of my appt. tomorrow, all the sudden I'm emotional, and just this morning I was thinking to myself, "Wow I'm handling this really well this week." Wrong again.

I guess keeping myself busy only delays the inevitable.

Its been a long week and to think its only Wednesday.

Nate had a follow-up appt. yesterday for his Crohn's. His medicine hasn't been helping so the doctor wants to try something new for a while, but if that doesn't help he ultimately suggested surgery which will put Nate out for at least 6 weeks if that happens. Today he had another barium test at the hospital to check for inflammation, and a blood test to check on a few other things.

Also, last night Nate's cousin Amy passed away. She was 40 years young, and had several complications with liver and kidney failure.

And on Monday night.... I found another lump on the same side in a different area. Thankful that I go in tomorrow for my Mammogram and ultra sound, but at the same time its a hurry up and wait situation so I won't know anything for a while after that. I'm guessing not till August 1st when I meet with the surgeon.

I guess its a poor me kinda day... taking the kids to the pool to get out of the house for a while, and then DATE NIGHT!! I can't wait! More later on my appt. tomorrow...

A new test

WOW! Its been over two years since I've sat down to write here. I decided to start writing again to keep a journal of the next couple of months as a reminder that this too shall pass.

We've been doing the same old things since I wrote last kids are a little older, and mouthier, we're about 15 months from having all elementary school kids. In the coming fall Max will be at preschool 3 mornings a week, and the other 3 will be in school all day every day. I can't believe that my time of being a "stay-at-home-Mom with kids" is coming to an end. Obviously I know that they'll only be gone 6 hours a day once they're all in full day school, but it seems like just yesterday we moved to Columbia City and celebrated Max's 2nd birthday, and I had 3 kids still at home all day. The longing for another baby only continues to get stronger, and grow more tension between Nate and I.

In January, we experienced a new chapter in our lives as Nate was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. We are still learning to live with that and it continues to be a challenge, but we deal with it day by day. I am lovingly now being referred to as his "Food Nazi".

So going back to the title of this blog...other than the day to day challenges of life, I have a new challenge to endure at least for the next couple months. On Tuesday June 21st, as Nate and I were doing our usual "breathing relief" from the day, after the kids have gone to bed I began a random thought about the last time I had seen my OB/GYN since I typically go in the summer and having another baby is frequently on my mind. It had been a year and I knew I needed to get my appt. scheduled so I could get in before too long. In thinking that I thought again I really haven't done a self breast check in a while. The last thing I was thinking is that it would turn out as anything other than normal. It did I found a lump...about the size of a quarter..."how could I have missed this? Its HUGE!!" was my next thought. I immediately told Nate, and then did what any wife would... I made him feel it, duh!
Consumed with the thought for the next 15 hours, as soon as I got the courage, I called the doctor. Still playing it off calmly I tried to make a yearly physical appt., but when the receptionist couldn't get me in until mid August I thought I better tell her the real reason I was calling. She said, "we need to see you right away"...dreaded words, she booked me for 3:30pm that day an hour and half from the time I called. God provided...I was only 20 minutes from the office rather than being at home and an hour away, and my father-in-law graciously offered to watch all 4 kids without hesitation.
I made it to my appt. with plenty of time to spare. The doctor did his check, and confirmed what I had felt the previous evening. He said he'd like to see me in a couple weeks after my menstrual cycle had gone, and said, "its probably fibrocystic, and will go away after your cycle...". I felt the stupid lump for the next two weeks. Everyday!
So yesterday, July 6th was my 2 week re-check and yearly, lumps still there, same size, no pain. I've been referred to The Retreat in Goshen on July 14th for a Mammogram...at age 32 and 4 months to the day! My doctor said they probably won't see anything on the mammogram even though we know the lump is there because my breast tissue is too young, and dense, which is why they do them normally on women over 40, and that most likely they'll also do an ultra sound also. Those results will then be passed along to a surgeon in Goshen who I have an appt. with Aug 1st, where she'll either perform a biopsy or schedule one for a later date.
So I probably won't write again until the next appt., but that's the latest. I'm not scared, however, worried and a little stressed due to all the appts., childcare arrangements, financial cost, and other factors that go along with any health issue. I have been thinking more about will prep, and seeing more pink ribbons then I've ever noticed. I trust God has a plan and that it will not be more than I can endure. I pray for all the people who this will affect, that they have the strength to stand with me if and when I cannot stand on my own.
Thanks for reading, I hope to have nothing more serious to report in the next couple months.

Happy Sumer Vacation from Parker

Hello to all my friends at Prairie View! Hope you like the video.

-Parker

Welcome Back to Blogging

So its now 2009, and I can't believe its been since November that I have blogged.

The big news which is kinda old news by now. We sold our house 2 days before Christmas, a huge surprise, and amongst family visiting and Christmas celebrations we bought a new house the week after Christmas in Columbia City, Indiana! It was a whirlwind of a holiday and winter, and here it is the first day of Spring already.
While the winter pretty much flew by for us with selling, buying, and moving amongst the holidays we are more than ready for Spring and the kids are driving me nuts as usually at this time of year. Our draw backs we know no one in our new town and we have no yard to play in... well we have a yard, but it has no grass yet. On the up side there seems to be things to do here, Parker is signed up for Lob Ball to begin next month, and Caedence will most likely be taking a tumbling class. Hannah wants to play soccer, but we have not yet found a league for that.

In other news.... I turned 30 last Saturday, and while of course I don't feel different then I did last Friday 30 is a bit scary and makes me feel old. Maxwell along with Owen Hoogenboom will be turning 2 on Sunday! I can't believe it. They are growing so fast, and while we don't see Owen as much as we'd like, we have been informed that his Grandma doesn't live far from us now so we may be able to have a play date or two over the summer. Have a Happy Birthday Owen!

Coming soon... this fall I will have 3 kids in school on 3 afternoons during the week and only Max at home... that should be interesting. I'm sure I will have a moment to get back into the blogging scene by then. What do you do with only 1 kid?!?!

Almost the most wonderful time of the year

Well its Novemeber 2008! Can you believe it? We had our first snow yesterday and the kids couldn't wait to go out and play...

YEP! Even after I said "no" they went out anyhow. Parker built a snowman head, and Hannah made snowballs! It wasn't too bad I guess, but when you have other kids that can't really go out its just doesn't seem fair to let some go, and make some stay in. I guess that may be some thing that will stay the same for them in life for a while.

I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done which I am glad for, but my fear of doing it early, and having things that I buy go on sale later has already come true. Don't get me wrong a couple bucks is no big deal, but when its 15, 20, or 30 dollars cheaper then I paid that makes me a little upset. I think I've gotten the big items taken care of that went on sale, thanks to my wonderful MIL who is a manager at Walmart and can work her magic for me.

Other then the holidays and our hectic family schedules approaching faster and faster there isn't much new happening here. Nate is looking at a promotion at work which is great for him, and us in the long run, but we still haven't sold our house so it means more hours of him being away until we do so, unfortunately. I'm ready for this house selling business to be done, but with the combination of winter, and the holidays on the way along with the horrible market for house sellers it doesn't look like it will happen anytime soon. So I guess I need to just listen to the Lord and "have some patience", I know he has to be screaming that at me daily because I lack them more then anything when it comes to waiting on life's answers. I just have to keep reminding myself everything happens in his time.

And now its been even longer.

In the last 3 months things have changed a lot... I can't believe I haven't written anything in that long. I guess my time on the computer has been consumed with other things. My new addiction Facebook, and making sure things are up-to-date and the word is being spread about our house. Yes, that's right its finally for sale. We put it up July 4th in hopes that all the traffic around the neighborhood due to the airshow would generate some interest. "What happened?", you ask. 2 other neighbors also put their houses up for sale that same week. One of which sold 3 weeks later and the other hasn't had much traffic that I've noticed. So here it is September 3oth and we still haven't sold. We were told that 6 months is average so I guess I'm ok with where we are at in progress. We had 6 showings in the first 7 weeks and one since then, which we thought we had sold to the last buyer, but it turned out they weren't exactly sure what they wanted to do. So this week we bought an MLS number. Yes, you can do that without hiring a realtor. We had the house up by Friday on the MLS and Monday morning I received our first call for a showing on Wednesday.
I am a person who believes in signs from God... he has to do that for me otherwise I am so consumed with life, that I miss a lot. So early on Monday morning I posted my thoughts on Facebook as follows "Heather is confidant that God will provide a buyer for her house in Oct., please pray for them!" Two hours later I received the call from the realtor who wants to show our house on OCTOBER 1st. God is powerful and in control, and I am not saying that our showing on Wednesday is going to be the last, but God can move mountains and I don't doubt he can sell our house to this person if it is his timing.
Other then house selling we've celebrated 3 birthdays since I last posted. I wanted so bad to write about the year long process of planning Nate's surprise party, but knowing him it'd be one of the few times that he'd read my blog so I couldn't until now. I started last July thinking about Nate's birthday it was his 30th so I wanted to make it really special. I talked with his Mom about doing it at the lake and seeing if she could work her magic and strike a deal with the owner of the Frog Tavern and also the S.S. Lilypad. Well she did. I invited around 120 people and no one blew the surprise. Nate showed up a few minutes late to my surprise, but all was ready and he was shocked to say the least. Not so much that I had thrown him a party, but more that I could plan and invite so many people without him having any knowledge for a year. I am not the best secret keeper. To my dismay a lot of people that I had really hoped would be there were unable to attend, but we still had about 50-60 show for a 2 hour tour around Lake Wawasee, cake, and snacks. We continued the party by staying at the lake for the night with Jonna, Jon, Carly, and family and enjoyed a nice relaxing weekend.
The next weekend Caedence turned 3 and thankfully my Grandparents hosted that party since I had so much going on for Nate's I needed a bit of a break. Her theme was Curious George and a day at the beach.
September brought Hannah's 5th birthday along with her first day fo school. We had a princess party and went to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate and play.

Now school has been in full swing for almost 2 months for Parker and a month for Hannah. We are looking forward to moving soon provided God allows and starting life in a new area. Neither Nate or I have ever lived out of Goshen, except for a short 13 month period of time when I moved to Illinois with my parents at age 5. Its scary and exciting all at the same time. We pray the kids will adjust well, and my prayer is that we find a home to suit our family, budget, and that we can stay in for an extended period of time and grow our children.

Thats the update for now. Hope to write more soon, and to say SOLD!!!