Monday Feb. 20th - All went well today. I started this week at my new appt. time 7:40 AM. Its very early, but I'm trying to do my best at getting to Goshen and getting back so that Nate is able to head to work as early as possible. Today I was even back early enough to take Max to school. I feel like anxiety is kicking in this week just with the daily appts. Last night I felt a little nauseated and again on the way to Goshen this morning, along with some emotional distress. I feel like its too early for this to be kicking in seeing as I still have 5 weeks to go. Hopefully it will get better as the week goes on. I'm also very tired today I didn't have the energy to go exercise like I had planned.
Tuesday Feb. 21st - Left the house this morning with very normal morning weather conditions 25 minutes into my trip I was wondering what anyone was doing out on the road. It started snowing so badly that I could barely see anything. Thankfully I made it to my treatment and had a very slow ride home. My marking on my chest is covered by a clear round sticker and that was replaced today, treatment was normal although I felt out of position the numbers were all lined up correctly. When they placed the bulos (a flabby, wet, rubbery material, that is used to 'fool' the radiation beam so it will deposit the maximum dose on the skin surface instead of a fraction of an inch deeper, as it would otherwise) I could feel the "sunburn" feeling. I still have a little bit of a nauseated feeling today and also in my throat it feels like I have heart burn or acid re flux unfortunately its from the radiation that they are doing to my throat. Doc was in a meeting today so I didn't see him as planned since he will be gone on Thursday I will see one of the other physicians tomorrow. Very tired again today.
Wednesday Feb. 22nd - More snow on the way to and from Goshen, but not a drop in sight here in Columbia City so crazy! Treatment was fine today, my therapist Katie told me since the Doc wasn't in to see me and I was just going to see one of his associates I could sneak out without seeing anyone so I did, stopped and talked to the nurse a bit about my sore throat its worse today when I swallow or cough it feels like my throat and chest are on fire, and eating food is similar to swallowing pebbles. I'm gonna try the honey for a few days and if that doesn't help the nurse said they could prescribe me something. I've also had an issue with burping a lot after treatment. She said it could be do to my diaphragm getting some radiation to it.
Thursday Feb. 23rd - Milestone Day, 1/3 of the way done with treatments 11 down 22 to go!! I had scans done today, and it was another eventful driving day as it was very foggy across all the counties and the roads were icy once I got to Warsaw. The kids have no school today due to the fog so hopefully I can make it through the day without being too grouchy as I'm very tired again today. My throat and chest feel like fire when I cough today swallowing is ok so far this morning, but I am coughing more. One more day left in this week!!
Friday Feb. 24th - Treatment as normal today, I was finally pushed in to see the on call physician since Dr. Doctor is out this week, this guy was a little strange not only because he had a plaid tie with striped collared shirt on, but because he basically just read off my chart the whole time he was with me. My throat is feeling pretty crappy today. and I'm tired again today. After my treatment I got to have breakfast with me sweet friend Nicky. 12 down, 21 to go!!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Radiation Week 1 (plus 2 days)
Thursday Feb. 9th - Day 1 of radiation. Today was a longer appt. because we were unsure of if we wanted to go down this path. Dr. Doctor of course assured us it was the right thing to do and was gracious in answering our questions, and was glad we asked. Treatment was the longest it will be today. Laying on a hard table with my hands above my head for between 30-40 min. They took x-rays, and measurements to make sure they were hitting the right area's. So far feeling, a little itchy in the evening.
Friday Feb. 10th - Got the kids up for the first time since the beginning of the school year, got them on the bus and left for my appt. In and out, it took about 20 minutes in total and they had to take a couple x-rays again just to make sure they are still shooting the right area. No pain, but a lot of fatigue later in the day. My appts will be at 8 am for the next week and then we'll move to 7:40.
Monday Feb. 13th - Today there were more measurements. Its a little un-nerving that they have to measure every time so far, and then today they say once your measurements match up a couple days in a row we will only measure once a week. Yikes! As I lay on the table today I tried to listen to the sounds, and this is what I came up with its like being on an airplane. As I lay in the room I hear the rushing sound of air similar to a fan, or as you are waiting to taxi down the runway, then a ding sometimes 2 that sounds distinctly like the seat belt sign from the captain. Then when the radiation turns on it sounds like a buzz of an open door, and then you hear what sounds like the release of hydraulics. Its good, I can imagine I'm getting ready to take off to some place tropical! I also got to have a coffee date with my friend Rachel today, and that was good!
Tuesday Feb. 14th - Happy Valentines Day! I had to get out a little early this morning as their was a fresh blanket of snow covering the ground... and roads! Travel wasn't too bad but it took me a full hour to get to Goshen. They did not take any measurements or extra scans today so I was in and out in no time. My skin is starting to feel warm when I leave and somewhat itchy through-out the day. Starting to have a little cough afterwards on the ride home, but its soon gone. Shoveled the drive when I got home, but now I have zero energy.
Wednesday Feb. 15th - no measurement scans again today I guess they feel pretty confident they are shooting the area. The last two days during the first round of beams my throat has felt like when you have a really bad cold and you wake up all mucussy and gross in the back of your throat. I'm pretty sure its because of the radiation because it happens almost immediately after they are done with that section. Today I've had a random cough most of the day, and I was a little nauseated today on the drive home. Tomorrow I am suppose to have my Thursday check in with the Doc. I walked 2 miles tonight at the Y, feelin' it!
Thursday Feb. 16th - nothing much different today. We did some measurement scans and luckily they didn't have to move me at all so they must be doing something right. I met with the Doc. after radiation he was pretty much in and out. Nothing much to say. The muscle in my breast is a little sore just on the radiation side, and I noticed tonight that I am a little pink and sun burnt feeling exactly a week after my first treatment. Again today I noticed the mucussy feeling down the back of my throat almost at the exact moment that I was being zapped. Took Bentley on a walk tonight and tomorrow I plan to check out Anytime Fitness weighed in today at 70 Kg.yikes! Only down 1 Kg in 2 weeks! I was pretty exhausted today, but I think if I try and keep working out my energy level might get better.
Friday Feb. 17th - Woohooo I made it week one done! Today wasn't bad the pinkness had gone away by this morning, but of course was back again this afternoon. Although I'm starting to feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog day I made it through the first week. I told my therapist today how I knew exactly when the were doing the treatment to my throat because of the mucussy feeling and she said she'd never heard that from any other patients. Yippee I'm special in another great and fun way. It was a long day and I'm completely exhausted. I did go to Anytime Fitness today and worked out for about 45min or so, then got a call for a showing on the house so I had to speed clean. Got my workout in and then some. See the Doc next week on Tuesday. Hoping my skin stays decent through-out the weekend.
Friday Feb. 10th - Got the kids up for the first time since the beginning of the school year, got them on the bus and left for my appt. In and out, it took about 20 minutes in total and they had to take a couple x-rays again just to make sure they are still shooting the right area. No pain, but a lot of fatigue later in the day. My appts will be at 8 am for the next week and then we'll move to 7:40.
Monday Feb. 13th - Today there were more measurements. Its a little un-nerving that they have to measure every time so far, and then today they say once your measurements match up a couple days in a row we will only measure once a week. Yikes! As I lay on the table today I tried to listen to the sounds, and this is what I came up with its like being on an airplane. As I lay in the room I hear the rushing sound of air similar to a fan, or as you are waiting to taxi down the runway, then a ding sometimes 2 that sounds distinctly like the seat belt sign from the captain. Then when the radiation turns on it sounds like a buzz of an open door, and then you hear what sounds like the release of hydraulics. Its good, I can imagine I'm getting ready to take off to some place tropical! I also got to have a coffee date with my friend Rachel today, and that was good!
Tuesday Feb. 14th - Happy Valentines Day! I had to get out a little early this morning as their was a fresh blanket of snow covering the ground... and roads! Travel wasn't too bad but it took me a full hour to get to Goshen. They did not take any measurements or extra scans today so I was in and out in no time. My skin is starting to feel warm when I leave and somewhat itchy through-out the day. Starting to have a little cough afterwards on the ride home, but its soon gone. Shoveled the drive when I got home, but now I have zero energy.
Wednesday Feb. 15th - no measurement scans again today I guess they feel pretty confident they are shooting the area. The last two days during the first round of beams my throat has felt like when you have a really bad cold and you wake up all mucussy and gross in the back of your throat. I'm pretty sure its because of the radiation because it happens almost immediately after they are done with that section. Today I've had a random cough most of the day, and I was a little nauseated today on the drive home. Tomorrow I am suppose to have my Thursday check in with the Doc. I walked 2 miles tonight at the Y, feelin' it!
Thursday Feb. 16th - nothing much different today. We did some measurement scans and luckily they didn't have to move me at all so they must be doing something right. I met with the Doc. after radiation he was pretty much in and out. Nothing much to say. The muscle in my breast is a little sore just on the radiation side, and I noticed tonight that I am a little pink and sun burnt feeling exactly a week after my first treatment. Again today I noticed the mucussy feeling down the back of my throat almost at the exact moment that I was being zapped. Took Bentley on a walk tonight and tomorrow I plan to check out Anytime Fitness weighed in today at 70 Kg.yikes! Only down 1 Kg in 2 weeks! I was pretty exhausted today, but I think if I try and keep working out my energy level might get better.
Friday Feb. 17th - Woohooo I made it week one done! Today wasn't bad the pinkness had gone away by this morning, but of course was back again this afternoon. Although I'm starting to feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog day I made it through the first week. I told my therapist today how I knew exactly when the were doing the treatment to my throat because of the mucussy feeling and she said she'd never heard that from any other patients. Yippee I'm special in another great and fun way. It was a long day and I'm completely exhausted. I did go to Anytime Fitness today and worked out for about 45min or so, then got a call for a showing on the house so I had to speed clean. Got my workout in and then some. See the Doc next week on Tuesday. Hoping my skin stays decent through-out the weekend.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Comfort to Consequence
After a long week and a half of thinking, I went in to radiation today not sure if I would come out radiated or not. With each phase of treatment, there was not many questions. Of course we had concerns with surgery and chemotherapy, and we knew there could be side effects, but we did not question the treatment. We did what we thought needed to be done. After receiving the radiation education and talking to as many people as would listen, I just wasn't sure it was for me, I had questions, lots of questions as noted in the last post.
So today we went in armed with our questions and prayers of making the right decision. Ready to walk away or ready to get started we were not yet set on.
So today we went in armed with our questions and prayers of making the right decision. Ready to walk away or ready to get started we were not yet set on.
However, I did consider lots of things on the way to Goshen such as: All this time we've been praying for my Doctors, that they would make the best choices possible in the way of my care. It seemed sort of hypocritical to question them now. I was showering this morning listening to music, a random play list and the only song I could remember was Because He lives, and the verse "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear is gone, because I knooooooow he holds the future...". I was also sent a verse by a friend this week that knew I was facing this decision, yet she sent it to me regarding a completely different matter Psalm 56:11 In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me. I also wrestled with the thought this week that no matter what I do God knows when I will take my last breath. Whether I decided to do radiation or not it will not prolong or end my life any sooner then God has already planned.
So after all of that and a good 20 minutes of quizzing the Dr. we decided to go ahead and proceed with radiation. I will tell you there was not an overwhelming sense of calmness once that decision was made. I felt fine about the decision, but once we made it I had a short 20 minutes to prepare myself that I was actually going to do it, and as I lay on the table being prepared to have my first treatment lots of things were going through my mind. Starring at the beautiful fake tulip tree over the lights above me I began to think about how much burden this will cause for everyone involved on my end. People to take care of Max when needed, Nate to rearrange his schedule for the next 6 weeks so that I can go and be treated every morning, our bank account, and how much gas we will be purchasing along with any other cost to get there, and then the side effects I've been warned about that will effect me daily. Skin pain, and fatigue and how Max may not understand all of that, and just think of it as another day that Mommy wants to lay on the couch. You are probably wondering how long I was laying there about now... (about 40 min).
Once I was done, I got dressed, got my husband, and left. As I got in the car and started the engine this was the first thing I heard:
You must...
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us
This is a song that I have listened to several times through-out this journey, but even today it took on new meaning. So now as I begin phase 3 of my battle against this disease I ask for your continued prayers for my mind to be at ease about the things I cannot change, peace in knowing things will and are being taken care, and travel safety as I drive each morning during the week to get my treatments.
1 down 32 to go!!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
A Burning Bush
Tonight I'm praying for a burning bush, No..... not the kind you plant, the kind that is in the Bible. Not literally, but something that is a very clear sign to me on my next stage of treatment. So here is what I am struggling with, the pros and cons of radiation:
Pros:
It will help prevent my cancer from returning
It increases my chance of survival
My doctors are strongly recommending it
Cons:
It could cause a secondary cancer (in a study done 9% of people got a second cancer 8% was caused by radiation, and more than half of those were breast and prostate cancer survivors)
It could cause heart damage/failure
It will damage at least 20% of my lung
Some other things I was told by my doctor were that I am not a typical candidate for radiation. They usually recommend it for patients who's tumor was larger then 5cm and had 4 or more lymph nodes affected. My largest tumor was 2cm and only 2 of my lymph nodes were affected, but because of my age they are recommending that I go through with the treatment. The above mentioned study also speaks to those who are young when having their initial cancer are at greater risk of developing a second cancer with radiation. I will also be at much greater risk for skin cancer in the area that radiation will be given which is from my neck down to almost the bottom of my rib cage, and from the middle of my chest all the way to my side on the right side. Its a big area, in which most would be covered during times when I'm in the sun, but there is still quite a bit exposed that I would need to worry about. With boating and swimming being a big part of our lifestyle in the summer months it would be something I would continuously have to worry about.
Radiation methods have changed and improved a lot since the study I read was done, but at this time it has been long enough to determine long term effects with the newer methods. Obviously I'm not going to base my decision off this one study, but it is one of the best I found regarding statistics.
So anyhow I will stop boring you all with facts and statistics I just need to get this out of my head. Up until now I hadn't questioned my treatment plan, but now that I'm moving on to the next stages, and I've been given some education on radiation and time to think I feel so unsure of what to do. It scares me to make these kind of decisions not knowing what the outcome could be either way. Its not like deciding brown shoes or black its a whole other ball game and it feels like the weight of the world.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Doctor, doctor give me the news....
So I met with my radiation oncologist on Tuesday afternoon. I had met him one time right after my surgery, but don't really remember much of what he said other than radiation will follow chemo for 33 treatments. He again echoed the same, but filled me in a bit more on the process. Next Monday I will go in for SIM scan for the doctor to locate exactly where they will be giving my radiation. I will also be tattooed, but I'm not sure if that will happen Monday or right before I start radiation. I should be able to start a week from my scan so that would put my start date Feb. 6th, however Dr. Doctor isn't as anxious as I to get started so I may have to wait another day or so to begin. (Side note: Dr. Doctor isn't actually my radiation oncologist name, but a little joke we have because my Dr. has his MD and his PHD, he is very smart)
We have been so blessed with help thus far for the kids, and while we haven't had any lack of offers radiation makes things a little tricky being that its every day . So the plan for now is for me to get up and go very early every morning that is possible. Nate gets the kids on the bus usually so nothing will change there, but my hope is that he can get Max off to school on M,W, & F, and that I will be back in time to pick him up at 11:15. On Tuesday and Thursdays as his work schedule allows Nate will stay at home until I am back around 9:00-9:30 each morning or take Max to our wonderful babysitter Lisa who has been helping out through chemo, and she will watch him until I get home. Right now 1 week off of chemo I have a lot of ambition and more energy then I've had in months. Although I'm still not up to par, the difference is there. I've been told by my NP that I will feel the effects of radiation through fatigue. Also, while the actual treatment is not painful the side effects will be far more so then chemo with the burning of my skin and sore throat, enough to which I've been told I will probably only want to eat soft foods once it begins. So I hope that I can endure this all well and get through each day as upbeat, and energetic as possible. I'm so ready for this all to be over, and begin a normal life once again.
On an unrelated note: We've only had one showing for our house so far, and while a bit discouraging I am still very excited at the thought of getting back to Goshen, family & friends. It has given me something to plan and look forward to as well as concentrate on beside cancer and treatments.
We have been so blessed with help thus far for the kids, and while we haven't had any lack of offers radiation makes things a little tricky being that its every day . So the plan for now is for me to get up and go very early every morning that is possible. Nate gets the kids on the bus usually so nothing will change there, but my hope is that he can get Max off to school on M,W, & F, and that I will be back in time to pick him up at 11:15. On Tuesday and Thursdays as his work schedule allows Nate will stay at home until I am back around 9:00-9:30 each morning or take Max to our wonderful babysitter Lisa who has been helping out through chemo, and she will watch him until I get home. Right now 1 week off of chemo I have a lot of ambition and more energy then I've had in months. Although I'm still not up to par, the difference is there. I've been told by my NP that I will feel the effects of radiation through fatigue. Also, while the actual treatment is not painful the side effects will be far more so then chemo with the burning of my skin and sore throat, enough to which I've been told I will probably only want to eat soft foods once it begins. So I hope that I can endure this all well and get through each day as upbeat, and energetic as possible. I'm so ready for this all to be over, and begin a normal life once again.
On an unrelated note: We've only had one showing for our house so far, and while a bit discouraging I am still very excited at the thought of getting back to Goshen, family & friends. It has given me something to plan and look forward to as well as concentrate on beside cancer and treatments.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Phase One- COMPLETE!!!
CHEMO IS FINISHED!!! I am so happy to be able to type those words!! My last treatment of chemo ended today. Although I'm trying not to get ahead of myself because I still have 6 long weeks of daily radiation to get through and then a few other minor things to do after that, but that is less than half the time if took for chemo so I'm hoping it will feel like it goes quickly!
Some other positive news that we talked about today besides it being my last treatment was that my cancer came back hormone positive there are some other big words to describe that, but basically what it means is that my cancer grew and survived on estrogen. This is good because it means that by forcing my body to suppress the production of estrogen it increases my chances greatly of the cancer not coming back. The chemo has already pushed me into menopause, but because I'm done my body may revert back to normal so once radiation is done I will start taking a pill (tamoxifen) for 5 years daily so that it will suppress those hormones, and my oncologist is considering a 2-year monthly injection that will suppress my ovaries which is basically like having a non-surgical hysterectomy. That isn't the greatest news since for the last 4 years I've been wanting to have another baby, but I know that birthing a child isn't the only way for us to grow our family, although through-out the last 5 months God has given me a peace about not being able to give birth ever again.
On another note, about 2 weeks ago we made the decision to put our house on the market and move back to the Goshen area. Although, Columbia City has been extremely supportive through-out the last several months, since even before my diagnosis my heart has ached to be back closer to family, and as soon as I found the lump on my breast and knew that it was abnormal I told Nate, that if it was cancer I wanted to move back. Nate has been gracious, supportive, and loving and finally honored my request despite his own wants so as soon as our house is sold we're headed home it will be a bitter-sweet ending to this journey, and my prayer is that we are honoring God through-out the entire process.
As we move forward I would ask that you pray specifically for me as I travel to and from Goshen daily beginning in February and for the family that will buy our house, that they will be as blessed in this home as we were. Also for our family as we prepare the house for each showing that it is not stressful, and once sold that the transition for the kids is smooth.
Some other positive news that we talked about today besides it being my last treatment was that my cancer came back hormone positive there are some other big words to describe that, but basically what it means is that my cancer grew and survived on estrogen. This is good because it means that by forcing my body to suppress the production of estrogen it increases my chances greatly of the cancer not coming back. The chemo has already pushed me into menopause, but because I'm done my body may revert back to normal so once radiation is done I will start taking a pill (tamoxifen) for 5 years daily so that it will suppress those hormones, and my oncologist is considering a 2-year monthly injection that will suppress my ovaries which is basically like having a non-surgical hysterectomy. That isn't the greatest news since for the last 4 years I've been wanting to have another baby, but I know that birthing a child isn't the only way for us to grow our family, although through-out the last 5 months God has given me a peace about not being able to give birth ever again.
On another note, about 2 weeks ago we made the decision to put our house on the market and move back to the Goshen area. Although, Columbia City has been extremely supportive through-out the last several months, since even before my diagnosis my heart has ached to be back closer to family, and as soon as I found the lump on my breast and knew that it was abnormal I told Nate, that if it was cancer I wanted to move back. Nate has been gracious, supportive, and loving and finally honored my request despite his own wants so as soon as our house is sold we're headed home it will be a bitter-sweet ending to this journey, and my prayer is that we are honoring God through-out the entire process.
As we move forward I would ask that you pray specifically for me as I travel to and from Goshen daily beginning in February and for the family that will buy our house, that they will be as blessed in this home as we were. Also for our family as we prepare the house for each showing that it is not stressful, and once sold that the transition for the kids is smooth.
Everyone that is done with treatment gets to ring this bell!!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
A New Year...
Happy New Year! At this time last year I never imagined that this year would bring me hoping for a new year full of hair, energy, and a cancer free bill of health. As I lay here in bed rounding out the first day of the new year (which was a great one) I can't help but hope this year is full of amazing new things. I WILL finish my treatments, I WILL have hair again, and I will also send my baby off to kindergarten and become a Mommy with no kids at home. I am sure there are a lot of other things I will do, but those 3 are the ones that are in the forefront of my mind right now.
If I was able to do anything I want this year it would be to start the new year cancer-free, but since that will have to wait I am choosing to start it out healthier- no dieting, but eating better, trying to exercise when I have the energy, and also trying to take the gifts God has given us through the last several months and use them to our benefit and his glory. Gifts such as family time, a strong marriage, and being more aware of how I can help others who are walking this road of cancer. I don't know in what capacity that will be, but I hope that my eyes have been washed clean so that I can see it clearly.
This last year has brought us to our knees and my prayer is that in the year to come we will stay on our knees!
If I was able to do anything I want this year it would be to start the new year cancer-free, but since that will have to wait I am choosing to start it out healthier- no dieting, but eating better, trying to exercise when I have the energy, and also trying to take the gifts God has given us through the last several months and use them to our benefit and his glory. Gifts such as family time, a strong marriage, and being more aware of how I can help others who are walking this road of cancer. I don't know in what capacity that will be, but I hope that my eyes have been washed clean so that I can see it clearly.
This last year has brought us to our knees and my prayer is that in the year to come we will stay on our knees!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Year in Review (aka our Christmas Letter)
For those that can't read the tiny little letters...here is what the letter says I wanted to put the original on here as well:
Merry Christmas!! I hope this letter finds you well. I don’t typically write a Christmas letter. I think it’s a great idea, and I’ve started one several years, but just never finished. This year, however, has been an interesting one, and I thought I would recap it for those of you who made it on the Christmas card list, haha!
As 2011 rang in this year it didn’t take long for us to know it wasn’t going to be our average year of the usual things. Nate started off with an ER visit that turned into extended stay accommodations at Parkview Whitley, our local hospital. He was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease, and had severe inflammation and blockage in his small intestine. After his stay he came home and was off work for about 6 weeks in which time he went through numerous test, and drugs to try and combat the pain and bowel issues he was having. He continued with drugs and diet changes through September, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.
January also brought the celebration of Parker’s 9th birthday; we can hardly believe he is so old. He is doing very well in school and just made the “A” honor roll for the first trimester of 4th grade. He’s getting to the age of wanting his own independence a little more, and becoming a little stinkier. He once again participated in the Dekalb Baron’s summer basketball camp under direction of his Uncle Jon, and for the first time went to the Columbia City Eagles basketball camp this October. He’s getting pretty good, but we may have a conflict with which team he likes more!
In March we celebrated Maxwell’s 4th birthday, and my… um, 29 again birthday. Max is growing like a weed I can hardly keep up with pants and shoes. He is all boy and ornery as ever. He began his 2nd year of pre-school this year, and thankfully is very good at school, and enjoys it very much.
April brought an addition to the family. After a fun family vacation to Kalahari in Wisconsin Dells and a day trip to Chicago Legoland we became members of the dog owner’s club. We bought a 6 week old golden retriever and named him Bentley. He went from fitting into a 6x6 in. tile on our kitchen floor to being a 57lb 9 month old. He’s defiantly Nate’s baby, but after a few rough days in the beginning he has become a part of the family.
May was warm and wonderful. We spent a lot of time playing outside, but because of all the snow we had over the winter the kids had an extra-long school year and didn’t get out until the 9th of June.
In June we decided to get passes to our city pool, we spent quite a few days through-out the month pool side and the kids enjoyed it very much. Towards the last week of June I found a lump in my breast and so began a new journey for our family.
In July we celebrated Caedence’s 6th birthday. She began 1st grade this year and although she is very smart she enjoys the social time at school rather than the academics. She has lost 4 teeth in the last few months and has become a lot more girlie over the last year doing her hair and painting her nails are beginning to trump playing with toys on some days. We also celebrated Nate’s 33rd birthday, as you can see he keeps getting older J, and I became an Auntie on my side of the family for the first time as my brother and wife had their first baby on July 26th(It’s also Caedy’s b-day). As July progressed with more Dr. appts. for me we learned on July 22nd that I had breast cancer. July 27th I had a complete mastectomy.
August brought a month of healing and more Dr. appts. we were unexpectedly taken care of and blessed by family and friends far and wide. Our niece, Marissa, graciously gave up her last month of summer to come and stay with us and help as I recovered. Towards the end of the month I had another surgery for a port so that I could begin chemotherapy. As all this was going on Nate started to feel the pains of blockage and inflammation again.
September brought us to Hannah’s birthday just a few days after she began life as a 2nd grader she turned 8 years old. She is the instigator of the bunch but is turning into a good little athlete and loves all sports. Although they don’t recognize 2nd grade with an official honor roll Hannah also is getting all A’s in school so far this year, and despite a few academic struggles in first grade is doing really well at keeping up with her grade level. We had a small fundraiser thanks to a family friend on Sept. 4th and September 7th was my first scheduled chemotherapy infusion, although, Nate apparently didn’t like all the attention I was getting so he decided another trip to the hospital ER would make him stand out a little more. However this time we didn’t go to one, but 3 hospitals before he landed at Parkview Main in Ft. Wayne for a 2 week stay on Sept. 6th. This time we had a few more opinions than that of the GI doctor he acquired during his January visit, and Nate ended up have a bowel resection on Sept. 13th. He was released from the hospital Sept. 20th one day before my 2nd scheduled chemo treatment. Although Marissa had left and headed back to Arizona we were again taken care of by the grace of God.
October brought more healing and more chemo, and another blessing in the form of a young lady named Lisa who is for lack of a better term our on-call nanny. She has been great with our kids whenever we need her. We were also able to get away over night with the kids, thanks to Lisa’s help for a one night stay at Kalahari. It wasn’t our typical family get-a-way, but the kids enjoyed it and deserved it as they have really endured a lot. Our awesome neighbors put on an amazing fundraising event for us, and although we would have rather done it a little differently Nate and I tried to enjoy the time off we had together while he healed.
Nate was finally able to go back to work the second week in November after a total of 10 weeks off, and I continued on with chemo. We’ve had a few little hiccups along the way with my treatment, but for the most part it has been going as expected, side effects and all. We were also able to host our very first Thanksgiving at home with my parents visiting from Colorado, and my siblings.
So far December has been rather uneventful considering all the other things that have happened this year, but among other things we’ve learned to expect the unexpected, grown, and been blessed beyond what we could have ever imagined. Our families, and friends have stood beside, behind and in front of us through-out this year and we wouldn’t have made it as well as we have without that support.
God has brought us to a place that had we known about we would have said we’d never make it through, but He’s given us the strength and encouragement we needed to do so. Although every day is a new day to get through we are taking them one at a time, and know that there is a bigger plan. We can only pray that we are glorifying Him as we walk through this journey. We continue to be grateful for everything we have been given, and as we enter this season we remember He gave His only son because he loved us and would only bring us to this place because he loves us.
As we move into next year I will continue chemo and then radiation around Feb. At some point we will talk about reconstruction which will be another surgery and recovery, but probably more towards the fall of next year.
Much love and many blessings to each and every one of you! If you have prayed for us, brought us a meal, brought us groceries, made a donation, watched our kids, cleaned our house, walked our dog, given us a care package or anything else we just want to take a moment to thank you. We know we will never be able to repay all the people in our lives who have stepped up, but we plan to pay it forward whenever we have the chance. We love you and are so grateful for you all.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
God Bless Us...Everyone!
Merry Christmas everyone. I know New Year's is the time to reflect and think about the year that has past, but tonight as I set the presents out, most of them so generously given to us by strangers, I can't help but think about the last year. God set us on a path at the beginning of this year that we thought was hard, but after a little while we learned to cope. Later in the year God threw us another curve ball, this one a littler harder to deal with and a little harder to just "cope" with, as we were still dealing with the first stumbling block of Nate's Crohn's Disease we began to try and deal with cancer. As each of those first days progressed we we're given a new aspect of this disease to deal with, and even with love and support pouring in I didn't think this was something I could do. I was right (I love to saying that, but not in this case)!!
Each and everyday has been an challenge some good and some bad... although its technically Christmas Day already during the day today I have been very emotional. I woke up not feeling well, and trying to deal with that just made me feel worse. I finally got the energy to get up and get going and all I could do was cry most of the day. I'm sure it is due to the hormonal changes happening in my body, but it is not how I had planned on feeling on Christmas Eve, and so it goes, it is not how I had planned on spending a better part of 2011, but its also not my plan I should focus on. So as I get ready to go to sleep, probably to be woken up in a few hours by excited kids who can't wait to begin ripping paper off gifts I am thankful, thankful for the gift that God has given us, thankful for the strangers who have given to us so unselfishly, and thankful for the lessons I've learned this year, the blessings I've received and the people who have surrounded us with love and support. Merry Christmas, and God Bless You All!!!
Each and everyday has been an challenge some good and some bad... although its technically Christmas Day already during the day today I have been very emotional. I woke up not feeling well, and trying to deal with that just made me feel worse. I finally got the energy to get up and get going and all I could do was cry most of the day. I'm sure it is due to the hormonal changes happening in my body, but it is not how I had planned on feeling on Christmas Eve, and so it goes, it is not how I had planned on spending a better part of 2011, but its also not my plan I should focus on. So as I get ready to go to sleep, probably to be woken up in a few hours by excited kids who can't wait to begin ripping paper off gifts I am thankful, thankful for the gift that God has given us, thankful for the strangers who have given to us so unselfishly, and thankful for the lessons I've learned this year, the blessings I've received and the people who have surrounded us with love and support. Merry Christmas, and God Bless You All!!!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
God just hears a melody
On my way home yesterday from breakfast with two ladies who are also fighting breast cancer I heard the Amy Grant song Better than a Hallelujah. I've always liked Amy Grant, but don't listen to her music regularly other than what is on the radio, and I've heard this song many times before, but never really paid attention to the lyrics. As I was rethinking the conversations from breakfast filled with comparisons of struggles and triumphs the chorus to this song really stuck in my head. I'm grateful for a God who hears praise even in the midst of our messes and miseries especially since over the last several months I haven't been as initially praising as I should be. Better than a Hallelujah sometimes....
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Roller Coaster Ride
There are some days when I look in the mirror and think ... is this real? I remember in my BC( before cancer) life that I would see someone bald from cancer, usually on tv, and wonder what that must be like. I could never even imagine it. Today as I sit here in my infusion room alone I still am having a hard time grasping the fact that YES, this is my life! I still have trouble looking toward the future, and being on the survivor side of this disease, and when days like today come up, where my liver still isn't functioning right, and my drug dose has been reduced to try and control that issue I just stare at the ceiling and wonder ... is this real? Will it ever seem real? Is it better that it doesn't seem that way?
It has been an emotional week for me I'm not sure why although I'm only counting today and yesterday I tend lately to just have a day or an hour that is a little tougher. With the holidays upon us I've begun to let the devil take hold of my brain and thinking more about what if this is my last holiday with my kids, and what have I done to make a difference in someone else's life in the last 32 years? As I sit here I can here a man talking as he gets his treatment about life, and all the experiences he's had in the last week and the last 70 or so years. I wonder if I will be able to be in that position in 40 years? I keep hearing stories of this disease taking lives I don't want to be one of those statistics for the next 32 year old, mother of 4 who has to sit in this chair.
It has been an emotional week for me I'm not sure why although I'm only counting today and yesterday I tend lately to just have a day or an hour that is a little tougher. With the holidays upon us I've begun to let the devil take hold of my brain and thinking more about what if this is my last holiday with my kids, and what have I done to make a difference in someone else's life in the last 32 years? As I sit here I can here a man talking as he gets his treatment about life, and all the experiences he's had in the last week and the last 70 or so years. I wonder if I will be able to be in that position in 40 years? I keep hearing stories of this disease taking lives I don't want to be one of those statistics for the next 32 year old, mother of 4 who has to sit in this chair.
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