Monday, July 2, 2007
Ever feel alone?
I am about the least lonely person I know. I have a wonderful husband, 4 children, several close friends I could call on and they would be by my side in a minute, and a church of approx. 1500 people who would diligently pray for me or do what ever it took in times of real need. BUT besides all those people I still at many times feel alone. It started way back in 2002 when I had my first child and got married. I was the only one of my friends to have both of those things. None of them had children and not many of them were married the ones that were had just gotten that way or were just about to. Shortly after that in 2003 I had my second child. To top it off my best friend was getting married and I was suppose to be the matron-of-honor in her wedding, but I had my baby 3 days before she got married. Not only did it put me in the position of not being able to be in her wedding, but I couldn't even go at that point. My second child was also colic and I didn't have many people that I could talk with about that. Fast forward to child 3 and 4 and now some of my friends are starting to have children and I have made some older friends who have children that are the same ages as mine, but again I have put myself in a lonely category of someone with 4 children. The very few people that I know with 4 children (I can actually only think of 1 person right now) are in a different life stage as I, and have older children and most of the people I know only have 3 or less. Its hard to take them places because you aren't going as you and a couple kids you are going as a group of people , and unless people plan for a group it just seems as socially unacceptable. People bob their heads counting your group or you can see them doing the math as they try and figure our the ages, or you get the typical "are you crazy" look , and "one Mother cannot handle all those children in public alone", which I agree is a task, but beyond that 1 kid or 4, kids will be kids and acting up in public sometimes is almost like a prerequisite to being a child, although it doesn't make for an easy outing. I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself as I sit her at 3 in the afternoon in my pjs. I want to go to the park, or the pool, or the store...just go you know not worry about who's going to act up, nap time, need to go to the restroom in a place that doesn't have one, when the baby needs to eat, and so on and so on. Its not that I want to go out without my kids, although easier, its just that I'd like to go without planning at least an hour or two before, without the looks, without feeling as if I am the only person in the world right now in my situation. Where is everyone ? Why do I feel so alone?