Tuesday, July 26, 2011

What If....

Just some emotions for now...

What if its more than just the breast?
What if it hurts too bad?
What if I don't make it through surgery?
What if I do?
What if it comes back?
What if I am not strong enough?
What if I can't stop crying?
What if he looks at me differently?
What if I don't feel beautiful?
What if they are afraid of their Mommy?
What if they have nightmares and I caused them?
What if she dreads her birthday due to the memories?
What if it never goes away?

11 comments:

Valerie said...

You will make it thru surgery cause you are a tough. You have the strength of not only yourself but of all your friends and family. Don't forget the power or prayer. I've added you to my Guate-mommas prayer list (I didn't use your name) and now you have people praying for you all over the U.S. Everyone is praying for you and God is on your side. You're kids might be scared (Logan was for my Mom), maybe talk to the school guidance and they can talk to the kids if you think they need it. You'll always be beautiful. It will go away and you will beat this!

Grandparents said...

Heather my dear, we will for sure be praying for you! Not that there's any comfort in it today, but none of this surprises God.
He will be with you, and every day, He will give you exactly what you need to get through it. Be strong and courageous! You are dearly loved and prayed for!
Teri Miller

Kendra said...

Hi Heather,
My name is Kendra and I go to River Oaks. We had a prayer request come through today and it touched me because I am a survivor also. I was diagnosed at age 39 and went through Goshen Cancer Center as well. I remember asking many of these same questions at the time ~ 5 1/2 years ago. Just know that you will always be Mommy to your kids. They will love you regardless! And I know that my relationship with my husband became even stronger through this experience. My prayers are with you & please feel free to call or email me if you just need someone to listen or cry with. I've been there & understand completely.

Hugs & Prayers,
Kendra

Everinghams said...

So many people are praying for you and sending you love. Your support system is amazing and growing each day, and will be with you each and every step of the way. We all love you and will be here no matter what, just as you will always be beautiful no matter what! Sending all of our love your way!
Carly and family

Republican Dad said...

From a ROCC friend: Only God knows your future. Hard not to look at the future, but avoid it if at all possible. (Difficult with kids, I know) Also, you talk about support, but also you need personal support, just for you: Someone you can talk to and can be there at all times, personally and by phone.

Republican Dad said...

Forgot to add my signature.

Ryan Ritenour
Elkhart.

Michelle said...

Heather, my mom is a breast cancer survivor and there was a time that I pleaded with God that she would live to one day see my children ... four kids later she is a very vital part of their lives. I will be praying for you as you face the journey ahead!

Tim Rowland said...

Heather, the elders of River Oaks are meeting tonight for our monthly prayer meeting and we will lift you up before our Father. I pray that you, Nate and your children will experience the peace that passes all understanding as you face this unexpected journey. God will be with you and we will too!

Tim Rowland

Melissa said...

Heather, I'm not sure if you have stumbled upon this yet, but this website: http://www.breastcancer.org/ seems to be able to answer all of your questions and fears better than any of us can. It has all kinds of interesting topics ranging from talking to your children about it, to intimacy, to treatments. Everything.

I hope this helps:)

And always remember that God is in control.

Marcia said...

Heather,
Ron Sr gave us your blog address. We are heartsick with hearing of your illness. We know there are alot of emotions going on right now. Joel was afraid that Chase would be scared of him after his 2nd surgery. He wasn't. In time you will stop crying, we did. If it comes back, you will deal with it then, not now. You will still be beautiful because of who you are. He will not look at you differently, he loves you. You are strong enough, you are a woman, wife and mother. One day at a time is how you get through it. Use your family and friends for support. That is what family and friends are for. If you go to the Goshen Cancer Center, I know for a fact they will hold you in their collective arms and support you. Two names that really helped us, Rita Gingerich a spiritual councelar (my spelling is bad) and Becky Overhot a nutritionalist. There are others of course, but Joel and I had them. Take care of yourself and listen to the doctors. Right questions down as you think of them so you can ask when you see the doctor, nurse or anyone at your treatment center. When Joel was having his multiple surgeries and treatments, I always had a note pad and wrote things in so I could tell him what the doctor had said. There were times he would forget after an appointment or misunderstand what was said. Try not to worry about the future, take it a day at a time. I know that is hard. Again use your family and friends. If there is ANYTHING Joel and I can do, please let us know.

Marcia
Take care

Sara Ogle said...

Hi Heather, As hard as this is to remember right now, God never gives us more than we can handle, you have an amazing family to remind you that your not alone. Dont get too far ahead of yourself,try to take it one day at a time and you'll be home with those beautiful babies before you know it! You will find strength through this that will inspire and amaze the people around you. I think of you and all I see is your beautiful smile. Stay positive and make Nate cook you some brownies! Chocolate will help! Lot's of love and prayers your way!!