Thursday, July 7, 2011

A new test

WOW! Its been over two years since I've sat down to write here. I decided to start writing again to keep a journal of the next couple of months as a reminder that this too shall pass.

We've been doing the same old things since I wrote last kids are a little older, and mouthier, we're about 15 months from having all elementary school kids. In the coming fall Max will be at preschool 3 mornings a week, and the other 3 will be in school all day every day. I can't believe that my time of being a "stay-at-home-Mom with kids" is coming to an end. Obviously I know that they'll only be gone 6 hours a day once they're all in full day school, but it seems like just yesterday we moved to Columbia City and celebrated Max's 2nd birthday, and I had 3 kids still at home all day. The longing for another baby only continues to get stronger, and grow more tension between Nate and I.

In January, we experienced a new chapter in our lives as Nate was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. We are still learning to live with that and it continues to be a challenge, but we deal with it day by day. I am lovingly now being referred to as his "Food Nazi".

So going back to the title of this blog...other than the day to day challenges of life, I have a new challenge to endure at least for the next couple months. On Tuesday June 21st, as Nate and I were doing our usual "breathing relief" from the day, after the kids have gone to bed I began a random thought about the last time I had seen my OB/GYN since I typically go in the summer and having another baby is frequently on my mind. It had been a year and I knew I needed to get my appt. scheduled so I could get in before too long. In thinking that I thought again I really haven't done a self breast check in a while. The last thing I was thinking is that it would turn out as anything other than normal. It did I found a lump...about the size of a quarter..."how could I have missed this? Its HUGE!!" was my next thought. I immediately told Nate, and then did what any wife would... I made him feel it, duh!
Consumed with the thought for the next 15 hours, as soon as I got the courage, I called the doctor. Still playing it off calmly I tried to make a yearly physical appt., but when the receptionist couldn't get me in until mid August I thought I better tell her the real reason I was calling. She said, "we need to see you right away"...dreaded words, she booked me for 3:30pm that day an hour and half from the time I called. God provided...I was only 20 minutes from the office rather than being at home and an hour away, and my father-in-law graciously offered to watch all 4 kids without hesitation.
I made it to my appt. with plenty of time to spare. The doctor did his check, and confirmed what I had felt the previous evening. He said he'd like to see me in a couple weeks after my menstrual cycle had gone, and said, "its probably fibrocystic, and will go away after your cycle...". I felt the stupid lump for the next two weeks. Everyday!
So yesterday, July 6th was my 2 week re-check and yearly, lumps still there, same size, no pain. I've been referred to The Retreat in Goshen on July 14th for a age 32 and 4 months to the day! My doctor said they probably won't see anything on the mammogram even though we know the lump is there because my breast tissue is too young, and dense, which is why they do them normally on women over 40, and that most likely they'll also do an ultra sound also. Those results will then be passed along to a surgeon in Goshen who I have an appt. with Aug 1st, where she'll either perform a biopsy or schedule one for a later date.
So I probably won't write again until the next appt., but that's the latest. I'm not scared, however, worried and a little stressed due to all the appts., childcare arrangements, financial cost, and other factors that go along with any health issue. I have been thinking more about will prep, and seeing more pink ribbons then I've ever noticed. I trust God has a plan and that it will not be more than I can endure. I pray for all the people who this will affect, that they have the strength to stand with me if and when I cannot stand on my own.
Thanks for reading, I hope to have nothing more serious to report in the next couple months.

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