Well today was treatment 2 of 12 of Taxol and 6 of 16 of total chemo. Last week I had a pretty bad day after chemo. I've been having a lot of anxiety about my treatments each time because each one has been different. So last week as I went into doing a new drug I was nauseated before I even made it to the cancer center and then had a reaction, very typical, to it so we had to stop and restart, and I was dosed up with lots of steroids and benadryl, and ended up sleeping through almost the entire treatment for a total of about 18 hours. Once I started having the allergic reaction last week they gave me an extra steroid to try an help that and it seemed to work. So this week I didn't know what to expect, and going in I again had some anxiety. My doctor also told me before treatment if I had the same reaction that she would switch my taxol. It isn't actually the taxol that cause the allergic reaction its the drug that carries it into my body so they can switch to a different carrier, however, that requires I go back to going every 2-3 weeks instead of weekly which would stretch my treatment out considerably and that didn't sound appealing at all since it would mean I would still being doing treatments next summer instead of being done in the spring. Thankfully we were able to get it right this time by just starting with the IV steroid and a little less benadryl. I made it through without needing a nap until the ride home and am awake now which was not even a possibility last week. So I'm very thankful for that. I will get to continue going weekly and I'm hopeful each treatment will be easier.
I'm still worried about dealing with anxiety. I have always been a little anxious when I go into situations where I can't control what is going to happen or an unaware of all the details, but it obviously is to the extreme for me right now with making me literally sick. I hope that as this chemo goes on that will get easier. I still struggle with feeling like we don't deserve all the blessings that are being bestowed upon us despite the cancer, and sometimes even feel guilty about accepting them sometime, however, this week I've been given the opportunity to help others. I'm sad to say this week I've learned of 2 people that have been diagnosed with breast cancer, but I'm very happy to be able to encourage them, and understand them as they begin this walk, and even help out a little with talking to the people who are walking this walk with them. I still have days I don't always feel ready, but there are good days too, and I pray I can take full advantage of those days!