Sunday, October 23, 2011

3 months

Today marks 3 months by date that I found out I had cancer. I've been in bed since Tuesday recovering from my 4th chemo treatment, and my neighbor along with the help of family, friends, and this community are putting on a fundraiser for our family. Its a big day to say the least. I'm sad, my legs are weak, barely strong enough to last for a short shower, and I'm still nauseated from chemo. I want to be up with my kids, although currently they are all talking, singing, and yelling at the same time literally. I keep having dreams about the future distant and not so. Waking up worrying about Kindergarten round-up that isn't until March, and then upset because I'm missing a good majority of the last year of being a stay at home Mom with a kid at home. Thinking about my daughter's 2nd grade program next week, and the promise of taking her shopping to get a new outfit, this weekend, not happening. Just a lot of randomness. Its a lot of what I think about daily but some days its worse then others. Today I feel like a burden, so many people coming out to support us and me not even able to get the strength to show up. Day 5 of needing people to wait on me, and feeling a bit helpless.
I told Nate tonight that I just don't understand why all these people want to help us. We are so undeserving, What have we done for God to place all these people in our lives to love on and pray for us? Neither of us have the answer, nor may we ever, but we both fully intend to pay it forward once we are better. It is the least, the very least that we can do. I just hope we can get better soon because we have a lot of work ahead of us!


Anonymous said...

We serve because it gives us an opportunity to do something. We are not fighting the same battle, but we want to do something to show our support. You are both awesome and you do deserve it. You have touched more lives than you know. You will have plenty of opportunities to pay it forward. :)

Jen Baldwin

Rachel said...

I'm so grateful for all the people who have stepped in and up and become "Jesus with skin on" to lavish you with love, support, friendship and comfort. Just think: All this that you are experiencing is only a small fraction of what our heavenly father feels for you. Unfathomable.

The Zagorski's said...

Heather, you answered your own question =) You both are so awesome and such great "do-ers" for others that paying it forward will always come back at you guys. The folks supporting you know this and I'm betting God does too =)

I pray that you feel better very very soon and get great feedback from your doctors.

Take care and please when you feel able keep up the posts.

Love you!

Gingers life said...

Yes Heather, People help you out because they can and they want to. Take a walk down memory lane instead of the future for a min. I remember you taking meals to others. doing many many things for others, in fact one of the things IM so proud of is how giving of yourself you are. I think what goes around comes around.. I know you wil will touch many others lives when your able.And If you dont see this, which Im not sure you would,I dont think I would, but your children are seeing the giving by others ,and are watcing and learning right now. I know God is preparing you to touch so many women with this.. You will glorify him like none other. You will fight this fight and win.. You are the wind beneath my wings Heather, Im so proud of you,and I love you so much..MOM

~deb said...

Heather, I don't know what to say, but if there were a 'like' button here, I would; to all the posts here. The randomness is all you have that I can relate to, personally. It is nerve-wracking, I know. I did not know Jesus yet, then. He comforts me now when such returns (PTSD). Dear, I don't even know Spiritually though, I felt like I was supposed to be there for you and your family. When I arrived, and upon leaving and since, I know I was called. It was Him. :).

Tiffany Arnett said...

I am so sorry you feel so crummy. You are not a burden to anyone. People help and support because they want to and they love you. You both are very deserving...Jesus helped and loved ALL diferent types of people, he sending people to you now. He knows exactly what you need. I am so glad that the benefit went well. Hang in there Heather...this too shall pass!

Debbie said...

Hi Stranger,
Still praying for your well-being, Heather; hoping that no news is good news, and that you are regaining your strengths. Your love shines more than you know; all of your family's. That is wonderful to witness... Thank you for sharing-, amid your weakest of times, a magnitude of strength. God bless each and every one of you, for your endurance and faith. ~