Its 12:05am on Wednesday morning as I begin this post. Earlier I spent the whole day taking Nate to 3 different hospitals to have him admitted in Ft. Wayne at the last hospital we went to and possibly facing surgery. In about 8 hours I will begin my day and start my first chemo treatment. In the past post when I've said I'm overwhelmed I am now beginning to think I didn't really know what that meant until today.
On our way to the Ft. Wayne today as I was driving down US 30 all of the sudden I felt something fall on me. I looked up to see that my little guardian angel that hangs on my visor had broken in half. Somehow symbolizing the day and the last several weeks for our family. It made me lose some hope, and think out loud to Nate.. you know its a bad day when your guardian angel breaks in half and falls on your head. I'm so exhausted I can barely move my fingers across the keyboard in the right directions. I feel defeated and even more weak then before. How can I do all of this? Why all at once? Who is going to be strong now for me AND Nate? My babies are being taken care of, but I feel like they have had to learn things that they shouldn't have, and that isn't going to change anytime soon enough. Life as we knew it is getting a radical overhaul.
I need to sleep now, but I will have more to post soon. For now just pray because I can not end this post with anything I see good about today.