After a long weekend, I finally have time to sit and take it all in.
Thursday I had my PET scan... that wasn't too bad, but emotional thinking about what the results may be. I came home to Nate in the same place I had left him 4 hours previous, the fetal position on the couch in pain.
Friday was planned to be our date night to celebrate our anniversary, but Nate still wasn't feeling well still so we did the next best thing rented a movie, and sent the kids to Grandma's.
My little girl turned 8 on Saturday. I hate that each year from here on out her birthday will be a reminder of when I started chemo, but I hope that when she turns 18 I can celebrate being cancer free for almost 10 years.
Sunday was our fundraiser. I'm not sure how many people actually came for the ski show or the fundraiser, but there was a nice turn out either way, and we raised over 1,000 dollars to help with our medical cost. We still have some t-shirts left if anyone would like one. The kids had a great time, and we are so grateful to everyone who contributed to making that happen.
Today we spent time at the lake with friends, and I got my hair cut and colored thanks to their generosity and caring for us. We had a good time laughing and hanging out.
Now as I sit her tonight and listen to Nate sleeping, and his stomach making noise its all taking its toll. Nate's been having issues with his Crohn's since Wednesday evening, unfortunately even with more rest then he usual gets its not seeming to get better, but only worse. I feel horrible for him, and am scared to death that he isn't going to feel better this week as I begin chemo. I am scared that our kids are going to essentially have to grow up fast this year with our illnesses coinciding. I feel like I'm losing all control. I don't understand why God would give us all this at once, its getting harder to feel like everything will be ok knowing so many things are happening at once. I'm not this strong, and I hate to admit it but its so so hard to rely on God when I can't see him clearly. I feel like I can't breath already and now someone is putting a bag over my head.
Dear God, I hope that the one set of footprints is yours because I can't stand up anymore.
5 comments:
Love you girl...that's all I got...no words of wisdom...no I understands...no chin ups...just...LoVe. Feel how you feel...its all you can do...just hold on to him...clear or cloudy...HE IS THERE...carrying you all the way girl....ALL THE WAY
Praying for you right now. I believe with all my heart that he is carrying you two through this really crappy season. Love you.
I am praying for you and thinking of you all the time, I have a friend who has been reading your blog and praying for you...even though she has no clue who you are :) She told me she thinks of you daily. I cannot imagine or even try to say anything to help, you don't have to be strong, you have the rest of us and people you don't even know sending up prayers for you.
I'm with Nicole, Amanda and Tiffany and lifting you up in prayer and sending many hugs your way! He is with you Nate for sure but sometimes it can still feel like you're taking blows all the way. He's our buffer thankfully even when it doesn't seem like it. I have friends praying for you and your family as well and we'll keep on chugging right along. Keep up the blogging!
I just heaved a big huge sigh for you. I don't have many inspiring words for you either other than I love you, and i just don't know if it's enough for you right now but I hope it helps a little. No one understands or knows exactly what you are going through, it's always going to only be your story, your fight, the way it happened in your life. But we are all here, every single one of us, friends and family, to help you in any way we can. I know you know that, we rally for you whether it's through prayer, helping with the house, kids, dog, or meals, or just by loving you and giving you all of our strength to latch on to yours. You are one special person, Heather Everingham, and you CAN do this. When you don't feel strong we will be your strength, and if we have to be Nate's strength too, well, so be it. Gotcha covered.
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