Saturday, September 24, 2011

too much

Nothing in the world can prepare you for a morning like this... even the previous days of hair loss can not prepare you for how my day started today. As I do each morning I woke up and got prepared to take my shower. In the last few days I have started to loose my hair, but this morning as I let the hot water run over my body and wet my hair I could feel clumps of hair running down my back and then to my legs as it journeyed towards the drain. The emotion is uncontrollable as my eyes are heavy and hot with tears even under the hot shower I could still feel them pouring out. As I anticipated this day I knew it would be a long one, but even after arriving its still too much to bare. My head hurts from the throbbing of a headache and from each strand that is coming out. My heart aches for all that I'm going through, and that is yet to come. And as I wait for the hair still left on my head to dry my body is shaking knowing that this will be the last time for a while I will have hair. As with the rest of this journey I fear rejection and a different sense of womanhood. How my children and husband will look and feel about me/ Its too much for one day, just too much..

7 comments:

everingham5 said...

As the verse says "It came to pass", this will pass in time. Your beauty does not come from the exterior but from inside of you. I know that's easier said than lived but so true in you. And just think, you can regrow your hair when Nate can't!

Nicole said...

Heather, I cannot even begin to imagine how you are truly feeling. But I want you to know that even though you and I haven't seen each other for years, I follow you everyday on FB and frequently on your blog & I find you as an inspiration. When I'm feeling depressed I remind myself how lucky I am & how I want my marriage to be as strong as yours. I know you don't see yourself as an inspiration, but I do, everyday.

debbie said...

Not to worry on how your family will feel about you. Your heart is in the right place. They love you and certainly not what you are and will be going through. They will either understand or be too young to recall, I would lay odds. You are wonderful parents, and they are likewise, children. Together, know all of you will make it through this…, only allow all to; you will be loved, and surprised. Quite possibly bringing you closer than you ever imagined a family could be. This will pass, as stated above, and you will remain an inspiration to all, including you. God help you to not fall away in your faith in any manner just now. You have enough other fears to worry about. Hospitals terrify me. So, a little, I can imagine…, but not much, granted. Please, rest, relax, and continue to maintain the level of love that shines through, best you can. Let Nate say, “Oh, Baby.., we are in this together, and always will be.” Remind them all that they were bald, too; at least once, and that you will grow out of this, too. Just like they did. Heather, you truly are a special lady.

The Zagorski's said...

Heather your blog is so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. My first thought is that maybe you and Nate together can remove the rest and start you on the road to some really snazzy head wear. You can do this Heather and through all that's going on you'll become an even stronger woman, an amazing advocate and someone who will always fight like a girl! =)

Love you and keeping you close in my mind and heart.

Laurie

Jo Miller King said...

You do not know me but we are related--your mom and I are first cousins. I have not seen you since you were a little, little girl; however, your mom has kept me informed sinced your diagnosis. I am a breast cancer surviver but I did not go through a 1/10 or what you are going through. I can only imagine how difficult this all is without Nte's illness and surgery as well. I want you to know that I have put you and your family on every prayer list and requested prayers from Christian I know in Texas--the prayer warrior state. I am so thankful you are a Godly woman and just know that those footprints are truly His !!

Jenn Mast said...

Beauty is in the Eyes of the Beholder!! and you ARE TRULY BEAUTIFUL!!! Never forget that. Find some beautiful Hats! You Will have a wonderful collection to go with those Beautiful Eyes when you are done. :0) Love ya Heather! Hang in there, you are Tough!!

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