Friday, September 9, 2011

There is a rumbly in my tummy

This stinks! As if I expected anything different. I guess I expected it to be more manageable. Nauseous, stomach cramps, back ache, head ache, you name it I'm feeling it. Before I couldn't really see how people could give up on treatment knowing it was going to make them better, but now I see... how can you go from feeling good, to bad then starting to feel better knowing you have to do it all again?

On top of all that crud, I miss my husband. I want him here beside me, I want to go see him, I want him to hold me...I just want him, and I feel like he is a million miles away, and yet just out of my reach. I still can't even comprehend why God would give us all of this at once. Put our kids and families through all of this at once, not even giving us a chance to fend for ourselves. I don't know if its a test of a gift. I haven't come to the point yet that I can say, yes, I am going to use this situation to my advantage. Everyday I wake up and just want to scream, "WHY", but someone has taken my voice and I can't, I just can't!

4 comments:

Amanda said...

Heather...Heather...I am praying.

Caroline said...

Heather, what you have to do is HANG ONTO HIM. He never said anything about life except that HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. Hang on! Just hold onto Him. He will walk with you and sleep with you and even throw up with you. HE WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE. He has been with you your whole life He will Always be with you. Hang on to Him. Keep talking to Him. He will NEVER LET YOU DOWN. He loves you Absolutely.

Rachel said...

Don't try to figure it out. Don't try to be one step ahead of God. Sit back, let him hold you on his lap, and watch him work. For now, be loved, be cherished, be taken care of. Soon you will stand in awe as you look back and see how it all played out for his glory.

James said...

Uncle Jim Aunt Caroline could not have said it better. Hang in there...HE is always with you and will never forsake you.